i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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