If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
