i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
