just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
