I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
