Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
