You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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