I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
