His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wanna passion pit in your ass
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
