my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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