just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
