Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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