So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
