I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
