if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
