I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
