you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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