I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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