in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
