I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
