I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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