where does the pee come out of this thing
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
