So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
