Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
