Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
