Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
