Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
