How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
