Duck Duck Cougar?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
