I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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