I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
