i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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