Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
