go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
