capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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