I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
