I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
