My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
