his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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