Well apparently he's into motor boating.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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