Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
