Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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