I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
