TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
