Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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