Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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