maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
