ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
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