seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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