We won't sleep together?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
