just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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