im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
