last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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